There are times when I just shouldn’t share things with the
greater public…but I’ve never been good at discerning those times because I
like to share the many stupid and embarrassing moments that make up my life.
Why? Because a bloody good belly-laugh at my own expense is just what I need
sometimes to ensure I stay on planet earth and not take things too seriously.
So “what?” you may ask, have I done this time? Well here it
is. I am literally turning crimson while writing this so you had better
appreciate how uncomfortable this blog is today!!
In the bodybuilding federation that I am now following, I
have been informed that the gluteus maximus contains muscles. And while I’m in
the game of showing off muscles, Nana-knickers have no place covering those
glutes. In fact, I’m sure you can see where this is going. I don’t want to have
to spell it out….but the new attire involves one solitary letter – and I just
can’t bring myself to say it out loud so you’ll have to join the dot!
Moving on. My darling husband sensed my despair and anxiety
at the thought of baring a good portion of my nether-region to the world so he
decided, in his infinite wisdom, that he would purchase a pair (why on earth do
they call it a pair of knickers???!!!! There’s definitely only one very small piece of material to be
found!!). The idea is to do a little prancing and posing in them in order to
get used to that strange feeling.
I am very aware that many of the female species actually
choose to wear these things on a daily basis. There is a darn good reason I have
not done so to date. And that is because I was blessed with extra when it comes
to bum diameters. This fact wreaks havoc with that piece of material, to the
point I almost call the service of Search & Rescue to find the little sucker.
So I get the new addition that Rob has kindly bought – I can’t
imagine what it would have felt like for him to actually go and buy it
HAHAHA!!! – and I decide that tonight is the night to give it a whirl. My booty
is still a little on the rounded side but it’s got a ton more muscle than what
I remember about my youthful butt. So I’m certain that it’s not going to be a
repeat of the same. In fact, there’s a little bit of cocky confidence that I’m
going to actually enjoy this challenge!
But alas, the ruddy thing feels AWFUL!! Really, really
awful!!!! It’s a little tight, a little restrictive and not pleasant in the
least!! I can’t even imagine how people choose to wear these things and I vow
and declare that the stage will be the only place where I venture down this
uncomfortable road. Oh well, I’ll troop on and toughen up. So it’s on with the
heels, on with the smile and off I set, into the lounge room for Round 1 of official
Posing Practise.
I prance out on ‘stage’ and Rob is looking at me kinda funny.
Not funny “you look bloody gorgeous!”.
More funny ”what the heck is up with…that???!!”.
Like the consummate professional, I continue to stride out on ‘stage’, Guy Smiley
toothpaste ad smile beaming at the ‘judges’. Rob asks me to turn around. I do.
He looks really perturbed and a little smirk is forming on his face. Not
impressed. I perceive he is laughing at the sight of my bottom. This is not so.
He is definitely laughing though. He beckons me over. I teeter over, no
confidence left. Feeling just a little pissed at the thought that he is mocking
me. He then points to something on the top of my right thigh – on the waistband
of my new knickers. I look down.
It’s the tag.
It shouldn’t be on the side of my leg. It should be at the
back. Where any good tag belongs. What’s more, it should be on the inside of
the undies. Not on the outside. Waving like a little flag.
I have my brand new undies on upside down along with inside
out. I am a disaster on heels.
Belly laugh is a bit of an understatement! Also immense
relief that Posing Practise is conducted in the safety of my own home in front
of just my Rob!!! Bahahahahhaaaaaa!!!!
I can confirm that, once the situation was ‘sorted’ – it all
got a little easier to bear. However Rob now has major concerns about me going
to Melbourne alone to do the competition. I am trying hard to convince him that
I can do this!! I can truly put my clothes on the right way up and not inside-out!!
I have 8 weeks to convince him!!
I absolutely know I shouldn't share this info with you - but what the heck!! Gotta have a laugh somedays or you'd just cry!
No comments:
Post a Comment