Birthing & Bodybuilding - Is There A Similarity? Not Really.

On a cold, wet and windy Friday night in June 2002, Rob & I made our way to the Auckland Hospital for me to be induced with our first baby. We had read every book and magazine we could so that we would be prepared for this birth, and subsequently  it took Rob three trips to and from the car to the ward. Among our treasures were; my own pillows for comfort, books for a little night reading before sleep, hot water bottle for the lower back niggles, a DVD player so that I could play my fav tunes will breathing through labour, a few changes of clothing for obvious reasons, fluffy slippers so the tootsies didn’t get cold, a bag of baby gear, and a large plastic container containing fair dinkum salami sandwiches – loaded with garlic and chilli – for me to munch on post-baby. Laugh if you will.

We arrived on the ward at about 7.30pm and the midwife suggested she have a little ‘look’ at how I was progressing. Her version of ‘look’ and my version of ‘look’ were obviously worlds apart!! I thought ‘looking’ meant with eyes!!! Little on the naïve side I was.

However, due to her little ‘look’ (still feel indignant every time I think about it!!), I got an immediate pain that had me thinking labour had started. Prior to that moment, I was 10 days overdue and hadn’t had a single indicator that this baby wanted to come out. So that first pain came at about 8pm and the second wave at about 8.01.30s. Rob actually gave me the impression that he thought I was making it up. Luckily for him the next contraction took away my ability to tell him what I thought of his diagnosis.

Yes, it was labour. Yes, it hurt like bloody hell. No, I didn’t say a word – I am a silent sufferer which I think would shock a few people. I thought lots and lots of bad thoughts, but the pain took my ability to verbalise it away. No problem for Rob and the midwife...who merrily watched the soccer world cup while I was literally dying of pain! Oh yessiree bob - I had a few dark thoughts popping around the old drug-free head!! But nothing, and I mean NOTHING, could prepare me for Phase 2 of the operation. Without getting too graphic, it was the pushing phase. It lasted 6minutes and consisted of three pushes. While I was constantly told how “lucky” I was that it was short – I can tell you that the Chinese burn (in a place where Chinese burns shouldn't occur) felt nothing like how I would describe ‘lucky’. I felt anything but lucky!! Thank god it was so quick. And I did thank Him!

So in exactly 2hrs and 6mins, my baby girl came into the world and I would love to say that I forgot all about the pain the minute she was put in my arms. But that wouldn’t be true. It still smarted! And the shower helped a little but not a lot. By the time I was settled into the baby ward in a shared room, I was still feeling a little sorry for myself. Rob had gone home to smoke cigars and drink port (which shitted me terribly!!), and I was incredibly alone. “Aha”, I thought. “Time for the salami sandwiches!!” I have mentioned before that nothing (NOTHING) stops me from eating haven’t I? If anything was going to do it, it would have been the fact that I had endured intense labour and I was honestly scared that if I stood up, my insides might fall out. TMI? Too bad! That’s the truth.

So I tried to figure out a way to get to my salami sandwiches without moving anything from the waist down. They were carefully placed in cling film, in a plastic container, in the bedside table – just out of my reach. Three other women and their babies were asleep and the right thing to do would have been to wait until morning to stuff my face. But I simply couldn’t! I was fantasising about the meat and bread and couldn’t sleep through the food dreams. So I wriggled to the edge of the bed and reached as far as I could to grab hold of the cabinet handle and gave it a pull. Yes! It was on wheels and rolled nicely fo rme. Somehow I manoeuvred the whole cabinet over to the bedside and tried my best to be quiet as I unwrapped my goodies …..Maybe I even had a sly giggle at my little achievement. But alas, as I unwrapped the sammies, the intense smell of garlic escaped the container and fair whacked me in the face! The whole room seemed to immediately reek of garlic and chilli and cold meat and I was convinced that the nurses would come running and the babies would wake up. So I guiltily and quickly wrapped them back up, slammed the lid on the container and shoved them back into the cabinet. And spent the rest of the night dreaming of processed meat sammies – how life has changed.

Anyhow, that’s not my point. My point comes soon. Just stay with me for goodness sake – and keep up!

Around about 15 months after that June night, it was a nippy little October day in 2003. I was pacing up and down our little cul-de-sac road, wondering if the aching back meant labour had started. I decided to ring Rob and I told him that the midwife reckoned I was already 8cm dilated. Rob then announced to the whole lunch table of police dog handlers, “it’s Kirsten and she’s 8cm dilated’. I heard a few naughty little jokes about whistling and what-have-you, but I wasn’t in the mood for laughing at that stage. So I waited for Rob and we eventually headed to the hospital.

Again a little ‘look’ was necessary – but I was prepared for what that entailed this time!! Again, it was pretty much exactly 2hrs of back-breaking labour Phase 1, before it became obvious that Phase 2 was scarily near. Here is where my point is in case you are wondering; When it came time to push this baby out, I climbed onto the bed and literally back-wheeled my way up to the top, jammed both legs tightly together and broke my silent suffering to yell out, “No! No! No! No! No!” The memory of baby #1’s arrival came flooding back in an instant!! And the pain associated with it was swimming in front of my eyes. I couldn’t believe that I was in the same position …and had gotten there somewhat voluntarily!!! So the midwife yells at Rob “Grab her leg!!”, and they both manhandled me down the bed and my beautiful Tyler was born some 8mins later. Maybe a slight exaggeration on the manhandling but hey, it’s my blog and I’ll write it the way it felt!

The pain was intense - by gosh it was! But I was way better prepared this time and I made sammies sans garlic and I scoffed them while still in the labour suite. Did I mention that NOTHING takes away my appetite???!!! Damn it!!

How the heck is she going to relate this back to bodybuilding, you ask? Easy. As follows;

The Hell Weeks leading up to the competition, where carbs were at an all time low (in fact all food groups were at an all time low!!), and cardio was high, and the weights were still in there, and the posing was awful, and work continued, and my kids still fought, and husband still made untimely demands…well, that period of time was simply awful!! It had some highs, but predominantly I felt like I was in survival mode. And the pain of hunger is horrible. I wasn't prepared and I couldn't begin to imagine how hard it was all going to get.

And then the comp arrived and the world was at peace. I was soaring on a huge high and I didn’t ever want to come down. And then life returned to ‘normal’ and training has been incredibly exciting this time around.

But I know that ‘baby #2’ is coming around the corner – if you get my drift. I absolutely know that the pain is yet to come. And it will come flooding back in an instant when the first hunger pains hit, while the energy in the workouts fail to fire. And I can almost hear my daughters comments…”Mummy – how come you don’t eat with us anymore”, to which I would answer in my head – “you’ve got no idea baby! Mummy simply doesn’t eat anymore – bwahahahaha" (insert evil cackle)” I exaggerate once more but you know what I mean.

It’s January 1 that has brought this all to the forefront because it was exactly one year ago today that I announced to anyone who would listen that I wanted to compete for the first time. So I decided today would be the logical day to start tightening up the nutrition in anticipation of the next comp arriving in about 16 weeks. But alas, Sammy has informed me that it’s too early. That my nice padded appearance is perfect for now and we shouldn’t change a thing quite yet.

Have to admit that it’s thrown me a little. While diets hurt, they are a nice little control-box for me to sit in. It’s easy. Eat what I’m told, when I’m told and don’t deviate. Being left somewhat to my own devices for a while longer is much harder on my poor decision making skills. But I’ll do as I’m told and won’t back off yet.

As for training, it’s fantastic! I’m lifting heavier than I have, and I can’t stop the intensity! I just love it! And having a few other ladies around who are also competing has done wonders for firing up the enthusiasm even more – even though I’m fairly enthusiastic as it is.

So the most important things on my mind right now are the bikini colour, dark hair or light, and a down-do or up-do? Life is bloody good this month! I’m as happy as can be and feel very grateful for what 2013 will bring. I know it will bring change. And I’ll discuss that as it happens. Stay tuned.

Oh yes, just by the by, the memory of baby #2 dulled a little over time (took a lot longer the second time around!), and five years later I ventured down the birthing path once again. And it was 2hrs 5mns, drug free, baby facing the wrong way, hurt like bloody hell, Chinese burn once again - and I chased it up with seafood this time! Older, wiser, and less caring about how it all smelled - hehe!!!

One More On Weightloss....Which One Are You?

November and December have been the craziest months and I’m not quite sure where they’ve gone. Oh yeah - that's right - moved into a new house and took an overseas trip and work was crazy and training is hard and long and I have a few kids and husband as well - probably much the same as everyone else out there. But here we are, Boxing Day, and Christmas is all over for another year. So I’m thinking back to last year and realise that it’s only been twelve months since I decided to train towards the competition. It feels like a lot longer. Not necessarily in a bad or good way – it just does feel longer.

But I’m not going to do a long, boring reflection on the year. No need – I pretty much shared everything with you right throughout the year. But I do have something else to say that’s been on my mind. It doesn't have much to do with my training but it is something that comes up for me almost everyday with my work.

Over the past year it has become incredibly apparent to me that most women fall into one of two categories when it comes to health, in particular, weight loss. Here’s my perception of it;

My Typical Two Clients

Client #1 – is carrying around 1-5kgs of extra weight (or they are underweight).

-          They typically say things like, “I know exactly why I’m not losing weight. It’s because I eat/drink too many <insert something like iced-coffee (grrrr!!!!!), cheese,  bread, milk, or that old peanut – grog>.

-          They find it a little embarrassing at worst, funny at best, that they haven’t been able to eliminate the ‘problem’ food group but will generally be completely honest when they fall off the wagon.

-          They make clear and honest decisions when they eat and accept the consequences – meaning a full-on sweat-filled hour with me to remind themselves how much it takes to work off crap food!!

-          In my experience, this sort of client will often not get to their weight goal. They tend to accept that their lifestyle equates to a certain weight and they are happy to have a good pt/Bootcamp session here and there to combat most of the eating, but are really not too fussed about making any huge changes.

-          Often health and well-being is more important to them than weightloss.

 

Client #2 – is carrying anywhere between 5-50kgs of extra weight.

-          They will often have injuries or illnesses that may or may not be linked to their ability to lose weight. Most common; knee, hip, back, neck pain. At first I also notice they succomb to coughs, colds and the flu on a regular basis. (And are probably oblivious to the fact that good health means your system is able to better fight off these nasties and you won't suffer so often or for so long.)

-          They will have many stories about weight loss attempts where they have lost all of their excess weight, and then put it on again, a number of times in their life - perpetual roundabout of weight loss/gain.

-          They are usually dead-set motivated. Their number one goal in life is to drop the weight – at first. It will be all they think about on some days. They’ll read and listen to everything they can about food and nutrition and will know exactly what calories are in most foods.

-          Their 3-day food diary will give some indication of what they eat but generally it’s not a true indication of what has caused the weight gain. Why? Because the feelings of shame and embarrassment will keep them from writing up a truly terrible food day. I understand that. It was me. I wouldn’t have told anyone what I ate on those days.

-          They will often have weeks on a diet where no weight is lost at all (even a gain here and there), and will have no clue why.

-          They will clearly (and I mean CLEARLY) have an emotional connection with food. They might not see it, but I can!

-          They will have great food days. And bad food days. Not many ‘in between’ days. Why? Because a piece of bad food will lead to more, and more, leading to feelings of anger, despair and a resolution to eat as much crap as they can before starting all over again the next day.

-          They will generally lose weight to start with, but will struggle with getting the last half off and, of course, maintenance is usually the start of the gaining process again.

So which one are you? I can tell you very clearly that I am Client #2. I write most of what I write from personal experience. One of the best things about training others has been the huge realisation that I am not alone. While I have moved my life a long way forward from my food nightmare years, I still relate to the feelings in a big way!

How do I tackle these clients? I read as much as I can on training and nutrition principles. I then observe what works and what doesn’t. And I always think about myself and how I would react to the training I give. If these don’t stack up – I don’t go there. It goes a little bit like…..

My Training & Nutrition for Two Different Types

Client #1

-          Sound and solid training methods are usually enough to put them on the right track in the gym. I need to convince them that weight training is extremely important in weight management (and gives way better results than just cardio).

-          Normally start doing their own programs based on the principles they learn and it gives me great pleasure to seem them walking around the gym with a new-found confidence.

-          Once the nutrition issues are pointed out, they then know the keys to getting it right and will do so quite successfully. As stated previously, if they continue to eat badly, they  know what they are doing and can usually reign it in when needed.

Client #2

-          Will generally default to cardio only in their dogged quest to chew up excess calories. Take a lot more convincing to incorporate weights as they think this will make them bulk up. I say no more!

-          Will grasp hold of any nutritional guidelines they  can get….at first. Generally 2-4 weeks will be the time limit for the initial enthusiasm, and then certain foods will creep back in. As stated, letting in a portion of ‘bad food’ will start a snowball of bad eating for that day. As the eating progresses, so does the feeling of desperation. In the time of desperation, so comes the frantic search for a new diet that may provide the answer to this problem. Within the first month, this client will often come to me with a brand new diet that they want me to look at. I’ve seen metabolic diets, cohens diets, Michelle Bridges programs, weight watchers points systems, detox systems, no-sugar diets, gluten free programs, caveman no-carb diets, paleo  (high fat high protein) systems – you name it, it’s come across my desk for me to assess. I know what it is. Another attempt to gain back control.

 

Can I tell you that I used to start every Monday on a new diet? I’m not criticising, I was there. I know it all too well and I can see it as clear as a bell. The new diet made me feel like I was in control and I had something follow. And the decision to follow it always came on the hours following a food binge. Always. At my weakest point, I needed something extremely strict to get me back on track.

-          These clients have strong feelings of shame, embarrassment and self-loathing and I may see them one week and never again the following. They tend to be black and white in their decision making, not much grey.

-          These clients can make some huge steps in their weight loss, if they are at the right point in their life. The first few kilos drop off without any fuss (normally the result of simply stopping the binging type of eating). The next few take a bit more determination and focus. The next lot means further changes to break the plateau, and the last few take real grit, real focus and a shitload of commitment.

-          Maintenance for Client #2 is a huge issue. Why? Because they may not have accepted the fact that they have a major link between emotions and food. They need to GET this fact. If they don’t, they are destined to repeat the cycle. I don’t mean a trip to the psychiatrist (though I’m sure it would help!), but I do mean accepting that weight loss is not just about food in the mouth. If it was, it’d be way easier to deal with.

-          Client #2 has to accept that this will be an ongoing road to ‘recovery’. There will be no long-term quick fix. Even Michelle Bridges can not ‘fix’ you. Nor can an advertorial on TV. Nor will Bodytrim. Nor will Cohens. Not even Jessica Simpson’s weightloss formula. Each and every diet will lead you back to step 1 if you don’t deal with the whole picture.

So you’ve read through this blog (sorry, I don’t know how to do short blurbs!) and you want to know exactly what I’d tell you to do next. You have to start somewhere and Boxing Day is the perfect day to start. Here goes….

What I’d Tell You To do

Client #1

-          Simple – if you want to lose weight, stop eating so much and get active.

-          Cut down on bread – actually, eliminate it for one whole month. Replace with brown rice, cous cous, quinoa, whole grain pasta or sweet potato. 1/2 cup of cooked whatever - max.

-          Cut out any pastry products and cream products.

-          Get off the couch and do at least 30minutes of exercise 5 x a week. Rest for 2 days if you must – but it wouldn’t hurt to go for a walk!

-          Stop drinking that bloody iced coffee!!!! It’s just sugar, fat and….more sugar!!!

-          Get a goal – Tough Mudda, 10km fun run, 5km fun walk, bootcamp etc. Focus on something to keep you on track.

-          Don’t call shit food your reward. Your body doesn’t ‘deserve’ to have a blast of sugar and fat. Enjoy it for sure. Life is for living and all of that. But rather than building it up for a big meal of rubbish, incorporate little items of your yummy foods throughout your normal lifestyle.

-          See a trainer to get you on track with a good weights training program to incorporate into your regime. It takes your body more energy to maintain that beautiful muscle so you’ll get more bang for your buck. Also looks beautiful!

Client #2

 – By now you must realise that you have a trickier road than others – accept this fact. Self pity is a waste of time and won’t change your body composition. Yes – husbands/brothers/fathers will be able to eat crap all day long and not gain weight. That’s life.

- I’ve babbled on about food and emotions but the bottom line to start this new life is….you’re going to have to dig deep and find some self-control to get started. Some real will-power. Stop telling everyone that you have none! What you speak is what you will achieve. Athletes don’t tell everyone that they are sure they are going to lose their race! They always say they’ve got what it takes to win. So stop setting yourself up to fail from the outset. You have as much willpower as the next person – you have simply chosen (in the past) to not activate it. Choices. You have them.

- You need to get rid of the shit food from your house. Give it away. Bin it. Send it to the neighbour. Trust me on this – shit food is cheap! You don’t need to keep it!  If you sit in a barber’s seat long enough, you’ll get a haircut!

- When you have people over for dinner, give them ALL of the leftovers to take home.

- When you feel like you are going to succumb – put 500m between yourself and the fridge/cupboard. This one works!!!! Just do it. Stop giving me 100 reasons why you can’t leave the house! I know all about cars and prams and bikes – if you want to do it, you will! Sometimes you may even have to wake up your gorgeous baby to do it – egads!!! Did she just say to wake the baby so that I can leave the house rather than succumb to a food binge?????  Why yes I did. There are certain times that temptation hits and it can hit hard. Mine was when baby was asleep and when husband was on nightshift.ie. when I was alone and vunerable. For me, waking that baby and going for a drive/visit/walk was what stopped this awful cycle. Only you know what times are the most dangerous for you – and you need to change them. Point blank.

- You need exercise. Each and every day. No days off. For a starter, keep active every minute you can. Food cravings don’t usually hit while you’re doing stuff. It’s those times of inactivity that cause dramas. Weight train. Cardio train. Walk. Swim. Bike. Whatever. Just do it. Stop giving me the reasons why you can’t do it. I believe there is always a way. I have 3 children, a shift working husband. A job. A house. Some pretty big goals. And I find a way.  So can you. As a PT, I’ll never force someone into a corner. But I know there is a solution to 99.9% of perceived problems.

- And while you’re walking, running etc, start giving some thought to the link between your emotions and your eating. It’s there. It needs looking at. To borrow a line from good old Dr Phil – you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. That is, you need to see there is a problem before you can change it. On a very basic level – you need to accept there is a problem if you are overweight and don’t want to be. That’s a good starter. Also ask yourself, how many times have I been in the same position, trying to achieve the same thing, and not achieving it? That is a problem.  

 -          I personally don’t find radical weightloss nutrition programs to be very successful at first. I much prefer to tweak your usual daily food eg. Cut out pastry, cream and most bread (& that bloody iced coffee!!!). That will give great initial results and we’ll tweak it further from there.

-          I don’t find great results from a prolonged food diary. All that does is put way too much emphasis on food all day long. Ever heard of world-peace activists who end up killing someone in the name of peace? If you focus on one thing too much, you’ll end up sabotaging the very thing you want most of all. Those people who read about food and diets, watch everything they can on food, think about food, plan food and talk about food – are normally in a constant danger zone. Get another hobby.

 

Wow – I have really been thinking about all of this for a couple of months and wanted to write it all down. Not sure if anyone has actually read down to this part but that’s ok. I’m happy just to write. It makes me feel good to get it all off my chest.

I also want to reiterate that I write from my own personal experience. I spent years trying to make sense out of the fact that I just couldn’t lose weight and keep it off.  I would eat/binge/starve – eat/binge/starve. I felt so different from everyone else in the world (or so I thought) and couldn’t understand how my self-control and will-power were letting me down almost every day. I ended up eating alone (dangerous!!!) because I wasn’t sure I could maintain control in front of others. While everyone else was talking about the weather, I would be thinking about what I could eat next, or what diet I was going to try, or what exercise I could do to combat the cake I ate. As my eating became more extreme, my resolutions became more wacky.eg. “If I eat this caramel slice, I won’t eat any carbs again until next week. And I’ll run for an extra hour each day. And I’ll only have slimming shakes for the next two days.” It never lasted because I’d wake up hungry the next day and would then have the whole decision making process to go through yet again. It was soul destroying and a period of my life that I don’t love thinking about. I’d go a long way to help anyone out of that black hole. But it’s got to start from the individual. I can’t do it for anyone else.

Really and truly, it’s time to stop talking. I’ve got a workout to do and a protein shake to consume – yum! It’s Boxing Day and Christmas Day is over. The shit food stops on Christmas night in this household, and we return to our usual regime today. It’s a good system to ensure that the Christmas Day treats don’t extend to the New Year. As a true and blue Client #2 – I still have to make good choices. But thank goodness I have them. Choices that is.

My Holiday - The Truth

I am totally sure that this post will irritate some people. So I'll start by outlining the purpose of writing this all down; I am the first to admit that I consider myself to be an average person trying to achieve my above-average goal of becoming a competitive bodybuilder. It's tough. Bloody tough. And one of the ways I get through the hard bits is to write down my thoughts. That's what I use this blog for - an outlet to get out those things that run around inside my little brain and cause distraction. I love writing and am thrilled that others have found some inspiration from some of the posts.

I won't lie. I won't hide the truth and I won't tell you I feel a certain way when I don't. Lies (or truth-bending) don't sit well with me and besides, my nearest and dearest would see through any bullshit straight away!! So I feel compelled to tell you the good, the bad and the ugly, no matter how irritating it might be.

Why might it irritate people? Because the topic of  'Training on Holiday' is hard to swallow for some. It causes some minor discomfort to those that firmly believe one should "let loose", "relax" and "live a little!!!" while on holiday. That one should let the exercise slide while away. And my personal favourite - that one shouldn't be so selfish and should just spend time with the family while away. My thought - what a load of old poppycock!!!! I don't subscribe to this thinking nor do I fall for the attempts at guilt tripping. And most of all, my idea of a "letting loose" or "living a little" is certainly NOT spending most of my time drinking too much, eating too much and lying around all day long. In fact I couldn't think of anything worse!! So I do what I do regardless of whether it irritates people or not. That is not to say that others feel the same as me. I 'get it' that the eating, drinking and resting is another persons idea of absoute heaven. But it's not mine. By about day three I would be such a pain in the rectum to be around because I would be so wound up with the lack of exercise. I wouldn't find it fun at all.

Am I perfect? Most certainly NOT!!!! I would never claim to be. But I try to maintain about an 80/20 split in my holiday regime, especially when it's quite a long one like the 3-weeker we just came home from. And here's what I achieved;

- 3 x Travel Days

- 2 x Gym Days - left Brooklyn with my Grandma and had a couple of blissful sessions in Northland

- 4 x Gym Days - with Rob at a great gym in Taupo while Grandparents looking after kids (we only see them once a year so it's not a hardship having our three for a few hours to themselves however we did organise the gym with a creche so we didn't have to rely on anyone)

- REST DAY

- 4 x Gym Days - Taupo

- 2 x Crossfit Days - Rarotonga on front lawn

- REST DAY

- 3 x Crossfit Days - Rarotonga

- 3 x Travel Days - arrived home on Monday night

- Tuesday - Heavy Chest workout

- Wednesday - Heavy Quads & Tris (just finished this one about 5 mins ago)

So training went well. Really well. And guess what?? My kids didn't suffer at all!!!! They came out of it unscathed because I still had 22 more hours in the day to spend with them - WOOHOOO!!! I'm being a smartass because it's obvious that there are more than enough hours in most days to squeeze in some exercise. No excuses.

How about the food? Well. I left home on a great clean diet with added carbs in order for me to use the next few months to build muscle. I had oats in the morning with protein, lentils, rice, chicken, tuna, veges and salad throughout the day and veges & chicken for dinner. I found on holiday that I liked to indulge a little more here and there and eventually felt myself bloating a bit. Partly from increased carbs, partly from lack of cardio and partly from travelling with less water intake. I adapted by cutting the morning oats and the late night protein shake so lowered my calorie intake to compensate for the incidentals during the day. This worked well. But I did what I normally do - I used the evenings to cook rice, prepare chicken and prep veges. Here's a novelty - when everyone else was sitting down enjoying a cold glass of wine, I stood in the kitchen and did my prep while having a cold one too - pretty easy to incporate my lifestyle into the holiday if you ask me.

 

Travel days were the worst and I cooked up a storm the night before and carried most things on the plane. It was only when we got caught at odd hours in airports with no food and only crap shops to choose from that trouble brewed. I find that once I start eating shit food, I lose the taste for good stuff so it can be a bit of a disaster for me to give in. But I did a couple of times and then pretty much beat myself up for the rest of the day. Yes - I'm totally human. And the problem wasn't giving in to the crap food - the problem was the act of beating myself up about it for the rest of the day. What a waste of emotion. Self destruction is not helpful to anyone and just prolongs the whole issue. Things don't and won't go plan all of the time, that's a given. Take the day my gorgeous Father in Law (top chef at a top resort) handed me a plate holding; 2 x pieces of Bailey's Cheesecake, 2 x pieces of Chocolate Mudcake, 1 x mini Passionfruit Pavlova and a cute little bowl of traditional rice pudding. How did I respond to that? I ate the pavlova, the cheesecake and near on all of the rice pudding. Feeling afterward? Sick and cranky and pissed off with myself. Was there anything wrong in eating those delicacies? Not at all. Just wished I could have controlled my portion size a bit better. So my plan was broken, I felt quite emotional and wondered how to shake it all off. Not easy but headed to the gym and did a really heavy session. NOT as punishment!!! Definitely not into that! But as a way to move my mind because I actually felt like I wanted to spend the rest of the day eating crap food. I don't do moderation well and I know what I need to do to stop the snowball. Like I said - me....I'm very human.

The scheduled 'off the track' meals/snacks are just fine for me. It's the incidentals that I give in to that threaten to throw me right off the path, and sometimes it can be hard to get back on track. This, in my opinion, is the key to conquering food demons. Being able to stop the path of destruction before it goes on and on and on. I find it's a mental battle and when I block out the voice of reason by continuing to eat, it gets worse and worse. That's why the tornado has to be stopped by a change of direction eg. going for a walk, or brushing my teeth or anything that stops the flow of eating shit food. And not giving in to the voice that will say, "Just keep going and eat everything and anything tonight and tomorrow you can do extra exercise and not eat anything until lunch time". Self punishment is a terrible thing and leads to guilt and shame which ultimately leads to further destruction.

So all in all I was pretty pleased with how the holiday went with regard to training, food and how I feel about it all. I'm definitely looking fuller than I have for a long time but it's all part of the master plan. It's muscle-building time from now until approximately January and from there it's a slow cut until Feb when we move into the intense cutting phase.

For now I've re-adjusted my nutrition to help me to quickly lose the excess fat I picked up from my propensity to eat New Zealand ice-cream (bloody beautiful!!!!). It's quite easy to manipulate food and exercise to quickly drop small amounts of weight if you play by the rules. There's no secret to it. Eat unprocessed foods only, keep the carbs natural (brown rice, quinoa, lentils, sweet potato), loads of veges (other than starchy potatoes, corn, peas etc), add unlimited salad and add protein. Snack on fruit, nuts (about 20 max) and protein shakes. Along with that, mix up the exercises to a higher intensity so do a weights circuit with minimal rest rather than a slow, heavy workout. Throw in a few 30min cardios and it will fall off. I promise. Stick to the plan. Don't make it harder and more complex than it has to be. I'm not a fan of banning certain foods unless they are your undoing eg. if you just can't cope with a life beyond bread, cut it out completely for a month to kick the habit. But other than that, if you stick to food as close to it's natural form as you can - you can't go wrong.

 

And don't fool yourself that you can't continue your life plan over the holidays. Take responsibility for your own decisions and most of all remember - you can't bullshit a bullshitter!! Hehe!!

Now it's got to be time for a shower before I start attracting flies!!!

Gym Junkie (sounds cool!) Or Just A Gym Geek - You Decide

Finally the time has come...it's been years and years and years and years...and a few more years....but finally...F.I.N.A.L.L.Y.!!!....my big brother has found the woman of his dreams and is getting married. It's been a very hard road for us all getting him to this point and we've tried to sell, barter, give and auction him off however his resistance has put most of the hopefuls off within the first few seconds. So November 2012 is pretty monumental for our family. Kris is getting married. In Rarotonga....WOOT BLOODY WOOT!!!! Good on you bro!! Nice way to both bankrupt and indulge us in one hit!! Totally excited. Will mean Rob doesn't get another weekend off until March 2015 however we are extremely happy and over-the-moon excited to head over.

 

So it's packing time as we head off to New Zealand for two weeks prior to the trip to Raro. Meanwhile we are building a house here in Katherine and we move in a couple of days after we get back. Did I ever mention that I'm sometimes a little extreme...and do quite a lot of things all at once and wonder how and why I planned it like that???? No? Well I am and I do. Remember that for future stories if you will. It'll stop me having to keep re-explaining my OCD tendencies.

 

So how does a big trip with lots of different stops with relatives and friends, flights into exotic islands that take us over the dateline (gain 1.5days on the way over - bonus!!) and fancy, rich, sometimes forbidden food - how does this all play out on my strict little health and fitness regime that I guard quite fiercely??! Well - in simple terms - it takes commitment and organisation. With both of these I'll come home unscathed and happy with where I'm at. Here is some of my packing items;

 

* trainers - OF COURSE!!!!

* three sets of my favourite training clothes (more likely to train if I like what I'm wearing)

* my hot pink training folder containing my most recent workouts and what weights I'm pulling, my workout planner so I know exactly what muscle groups I'm hitting and how often (also records how many chinups I do!), my training gloves, my training belt, my gymboss (can whip up a Tabata training session in 10secs flat with this!), and my basic nutrition guide of what, how much and when to eat.

* my small set of digital scales to measure oats and other grams (very helpful for nuts etc that are hard to gauge)

* my whizz stick (used for all smoothies/shakes because I use LSA, chia seeds and ice)

* my collection of new exercise mags - have been buying and stocking for reading on the plane

* blank paper for writing down all of my new and nasty ideas for clients & bootcamps

 

I've also researched the best looking gyms in the NZ towns we are going to. For the sake of a couple of dollars, I'd rather go and try a state of the art gym than the local suburban fitness centre (nothing wrong with them, just want to try something different!).

Rob and I have spoken about what we want to achieve on holiday and how we'll do it. No good reason to go backwards or even settle for maintenance. Why not just train as usual and throw in a couple of challenges as well.

 

So there will be groans and eye rolling and exasperated looks by some who read this. But fear not. It's no hardship for me. I LOVE IT!!! When I was in the Police I remember colleagues who travelled to the USA and joined up with the NYPD of LAPD for the night to see how they operate. I remember thinking how crazy it was to leave work on a holiday and then spend your time in policing activities. Now I realise - it was their passion! They loved it so it was natural to extend their interest into their holidays. And that's what it's like for me. I thrive on it. I'm not driven by some horrible need to work off calories (in fact, quite the opposite at the moment!), and I love learning new techniques and seeing how others in my field operate.

 

So until then it's training as usual. I'm getting heavier which means I'm getting my nutrition right. Eat little, train light. Eat more, train heavy. I'm shaking up the sessions a little with some Giant Sets (newly discovered - LOVE!!) meaning 4-6 exercises, maybe 10-12 reps, moving in a circuit style with absolutely no rest between. But not forfeiting weight for the style so it's heavy as possible. Talk about a sweatfest!

 

I'm also doing a fair bit of training with Rob in the Garage Inn at night. It's really hard to stay motivated when you aren't starting until 7pm - but we have it written in front of us and we just work through until it's done. Emotions don't come into it. Last night we did a late hamstrings workout and the thump in my legs is awesome and makes the later session worthwhile.

 

Ok - enough from me. I'm going to finish packing, do the school banking, get to a client, and come home to yet another late workout. Actually the last in the Garage Inn before we move to the bigger and better Muscle Inn. It's our new 'gym' at the new house. Well....not quite a gym....but if we slap up a few pictures and flick some sweat drops on the floor, it'll feel like home.

 

Have a fantastic few weeks. Never know - I might lay on a beach in Raro and ...update this blog from under a coconut palm...or maybe not!

Before I Knew It, I Was On The Training Wagon Yet Again!!

And that's the truth of it! After finishing the competitions in Darwin and Melbourne, I decided to have a rest from training. And I did. A good, solid, lazy, hazy, dreamy, pleasant .... 30 hours! And then I couldn't help but jump back into the iron room and hit the weights with huge enthusiasm and refound strength! Where did it come from? Food of course!! Oh what a difference food makes!! After weeks of 100grams of boiled chicken with copious amounts of fresh lettuce - I have come to appreciate what it means to have energy again.

So I took matters into my own hands and hit the gym at every given opportunity. I'm a little on the OCD side sometimes and the last month has seen it in high gear. I just want to workout and workout and workout - it's a little insane but hellishly fun!! I am confident that Sammy (my trainer) doesn't read this blog so I'll admit to around six weights sessions and up to four cardio sessions each week. This is nothing to be proud of to be honest, but I just wanted to indulge for a bit.

So with seven months out from the next comp, I knew it was time to return to my safe place and allow Sammy to guide me through my new goals. The main one being - to put on some decent size. When I peruse the photos I can see that I was as lean as I could be but didn't have nearly enough size around the shoulders and lats to be as competitive as I want to be.

So how do I achieve size? Eating. And eating. More eating. And a little fine tuning on how and when I train. So I'm trying to get through the whole eating thing without it tearing my mind up too much. Can I say that, for a female especially, putting on weight around the rump region is like.....getting sick on a public holiday!!! It sucks - to put it bluntly! And I can feel my bum filling out and my pants getting tighter, and all of those lovely quad muscles have gone into hiding again and taken my hamstrings with them!!! I worked so damn hard for those to pop and now I need to put them into voluntary hibernation for a few months. Boo bloody hoo!!!!

But it's all for a good cause because, along with the cleanest of weight gain, comes a little fat. There is no getting away from it. But that will go when the cutting hell starts all over again. Doesn't sound that appealing for the average person but I have to admit that I Love It!!! I love the thought of that big old challenge popping up all over again! The parts I hated have almost (I said ALMOST!!!!) been erased from my memory, and the thrill, adrenalin and excitement is what I remember most!

Why do I do this? Because I can. And because some can't. And that's what makes it exciting.

So where am I up to;

Food

I've been carb cycling for the past few weeks with low, medium and high days but now have a new food menu and need carbs each and every day to support the big workouts. As per usual, I eat six meals a day - some bigger than others - with a fair whack of protein going in with some nice clean carbs. I love my food and it's no hardship to stick to clean and wholesome stuff like veges, lean meats, rice, lentils & the like. This time I will heed Sammy's advice and make sure I have one cheat meal a week. This is to stimulate change in my system. I resisted this last time and paid the price when we went to cut as I didn't have enough of a contrast to make any immediate impact. One must listen to the advice of someone who knows best!!

Training

 

Pic following an Abs & Calves Workout in our garage - during 40 degree heat!!

 

The weights I'm lifting/pushing/pressing have gone up quite a chunk in the past month and I'm loving it! I've been going like a bull at a gate and smashing each muscle group as often as I can. However, Sammy has now given me some perspective and it's time to hit them with some definite strategy and consideration. Concentration is focused on lats, shoulders and legs and I'm hoping the change will be visible in the near future!! Chinups are now my friend. They are like my Glucosamine with MSM and Chrondroitin - I hate taking them but they are necessary!!! (Those pills are evil!!! They are laced with ginger and black pepper and taste like a fiery bullet!!).

The Rest

Posing will be something I focus on with a lot more effort over the next few months. I am more aware of what needs to be done and how I should achieve it and I have a few big changes to make. Heels on. Bikini at the ready. Mirror time!!!

I am looking at a new bikini already. I can't wear the beautiful green one again because the photos all look the same! Time for a new colour and style I reckon. Funny how something so little costs so much.

Okay - that's enough from me for now. I will check in again soon.

My next focus is to organise my holiday training while in New Zealand and Rarotonga over the next few weeks. Can't stop while we are away so will have to invent ways to keep it all going. Why can't I stop while on holiday? Because it's a way of life (exercising that is - not necessarily bodybuilding). And I can't stand that feeling of being inactive while away. I'm a nightmare to live with when sedentary for too long. In fact, right from the start of our relationship (14 years ago), whenever I packed a shit (not a word you smart arses!!!), Rob would come towards me with running shoes in one hand and a wine glass in the other and ask me to pick. 80% of the time I would go for the shoes followed by the glass. Nowadays it's 100% the shoes (or gloves & weight belt to be exact) and mostly I follow up with a shaker bottle rather than a glass.....but not always. Amazing what a good session does to fix up a bad case of the grumps. Even while on holiday.

Til next week.